meet lauren gillum, psyd
No shame, no judgment, no “shoulds” - just the type of support you really need.
Mom, Step-mom, Parenting Therapist | Andover, MA
please Hear me when I say:
Raising children is hard; seeking support is strong and brave.
There is so much judgment around parenting in our society, and it can feel very vulnerable to admit that you’re struggling. Here’s the secret that’s so often not talked about: raising children is the hardest job that no one ever prepared you for. And ALL parents (myself included!) struggle, second-guess, doubt, and question at times.
Raising kids is anything but black and white - it’s a million shades of grey and lots of trial and error. Our work together is not about becoming a “perfect” parent or getting “perfect” behavior out of your kids (because neither of those things exist!). Instead, it’s about making space for all of the uncertainty, all of the messiness, all of the emotions - and sorting through all of that together so that you can be clear on who you want to be both within and outside of your parenting role. And then, helping you to get there.
I see our therapy sessions as your space and your time. I don’t come to our time together with a specific plan or agenda, but rather I follow your lead. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t take an active role in our sessions. In a typical session, I may…
ask you questions that can help you to think more deeply about your experiences
help you make space for seemingly competing “truths,” replacing “either/or” with “both/and”
draw meaningful connections between the past and present
bring to light and gently challenge unhelpful beliefs or patterns that you may be holding onto
help you see situations from different perspectives in order to open up more possibilities for how to handle them
Therapy with me is also a space to be able to really slow down and focus in on your needs, your feelings, your experience, and cultivate compassion for yourself - which we as parents so often don’t take the time to do.
working with me…
At the core of my approach to therapy is a belief that collaboration and curiosity are key.
There is already plenty of noise out there about how you “should” be raising your children and plenty of experts ready to give you advice on the “right” way to do things - but that’s not my role. My approach digs a little deeper.
I’m interested in you:
What stands out to you about how you were raised, and how you feel about that now that you’re in a parenting role
What you feel proud of as a parent, and what might bring up more challenging feelings of guilt or shame
Your insecurities, triumphs, goals, and vulnerabilities as a parent
Who you want to be outside of being a parent, step-parent, or grandparent
And everything else that the parenting role may have brought to the surface for you…
At the heart of any therapy experience is a human relationship.
In our sessions together, I sit with you not only as a therapist, but also as a fellow parent and step-parent who has been there - maybe not in the exact same parenting situations you find yourself in, but with enough overlap to be able to relate to and empathize with the whole spectrum of thoughts and feelings that comes with raising children.
I know how overwhelming it can be to support your child through big feelings that they can’t yet fully understand or manage. I know how lonely it can feel adjusting to a step-parenting role, and how confusing it is juggling the competing and often contradictory expectations others have of your role in the family. I know how easy it is to doubt yourself as a parent in the difficult moments, and how sometimes, even the most well-thought out approaches and strategies can fall flat. And I know how incredibly hard we can all be on ourselves at times.
I can help you weather the ups and downs of raising children, and ultimately step into a more intentional and grounded way of parenting.
my guiding principles
I believe…
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In sessions, you’ll often hear me start a question with “I wonder…” I believe that when we lead with curiosity instead of judgment, we allow the space to really explore and better understand what might be going on. Anything you bring into session will be met with compassion and curiosity - even the things that feel taboo to say out loud or even acknowledge, even the parts of yourself that you might feel uncomfortable with or ashamed of, even the parts of your experience that might have been met with judgment or criticism in the past. In turn, I hope to help you more easily meet yourself with compassion and curiosity instead of judgment and shame. Come as you are, and we’ll figure it out together.
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While I bring expertise to our sessions based on my own training, professional and personal experience, you are the expert on yourself and your experiences. And your knowledge, awareness, and deep understanding of yourself and the kids you’re raising is just as valuable as anything I bring to the table. I may not share your lived experience, so I want to understand from your perspective what it’s been like for you - not try to see it through my own lens. Our sessions are a collaboration, with each of us bringing our respective expertise in order to make sense of things together. I will honor your experiences as authentic, true, and valid, and feel continually privileged to have clients honestly share their experiences with me.
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You may notice a sign in my office that says “both… and.” It’s a beautiful way of approaching experiences that guides me in my professional and personal life. Instead of seeing things as black and white, instead of approaching situations with an “either/or” outlook, the “both/and” perspective allows us to hold two things at once. We can have compassion for the person we are in this moment while also working to grow and change in adaptive ways. We can love being a parent with every fiber of our being while also feeling completely overwhelmed and isolated by it at times. We can be grateful for the family we have and the time we have with them, while also needing a break sometimes. We can allow joy and pain, gratitude and grief, hope and worry to coexist, without one needing to crowd the other out. We can make space for it all.
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The way we see ourselves and the expectations we have about relationships with others are largely formed through our early relationships with our own parents and caregivers. These beliefs about ourselves and others then shape how we show up in different types of relationships as we grow and how we interact with others. Sometimes, these beliefs and patterns serve us well as we move into adulthood, and sometimes they don’t. The good news is, just as these beliefs and patterns are formed through early relationships, they can also be shifted through relationships if they’re no longer helpful. In the therapy room, you can practice different ways of showing up than you have in the past. It’s a safe place to bring some of those patterns to light and practice different ways of responding in real time, which can then translate to how you show up in the real world with your children, your partner, and beyond.
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I am not a blank slate, but a person just like you. And I believe that so much of the deeply beautiful work that can be done in therapy happens through both of us showing up as our true, authentic selves. I won’t use psychobabble or therapy jargon in sessions with you - and please call me out if I ever do! I also believe deeply in transparency - you should never have to guess what I’m thinking or where I’m coming from. If you ask me a question, I’ll give you an honest answer. If I have an observation or am noticing something in the room between us, I’ll gently name it and give us space to talk about it. And if you’re having thoughts or feelings about our work together, or if something I say doesn’t land with you, I want to hear that, too. I will always give your concerns and experiences the weight they deserve - and at the same time, I think there is a very real place in therapy for lightheartedness and humor at times as well! Therapy with me is a safe space for us both to show up as our authentic, genuine selves.
specializing in:
Parents
Step-Parents
Grandparents Raising Grandkids
My Training & Education
Licensed Psychologist
Masters and PsyD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Maryland
15+ years of experience working with children, adolescents, and their parents
Extensive training and experience in trauma work, particularly attachment trauma using the ARC framework
Member of the Massachusetts Psychological Association (MPA)